Control Freak

    My husband is an idiot.  Is yours?  Does your husband make you sick?

   Over the years my husband has tried to get me to have sex with other men.  Yeah, you read that right.  He didn't try to keep me from having sex with other men.  He wanted me to do it.   Being the stupid idiot that I WAS, I did. Once.  With a guy I had gone to school with for years.  I had always had sort of a crush on him, but that's probably too strong a word.  So, one evening, I let him do me.  Now, I say that he let me because I actually didn't participate.  I just lay there, horribly embarrassed, and soon it was over.

    It wasn't long however, before the true reason my husband wanted me to do other men came out.  He actually told me that, now, since I had done someone else, it was his turn.  So, for the next several weeks, he kept on at me about some woman at work he wanted to have sex with.

   Finally one day I remember that I had had enough.  Enough of the telling me that he should be able to have sex with another woman.  And enough of him treating me like crap when I didn't want to have sex with him.  Bear in mind, this was before I had a child.  He was constantly in heat.

  I remember I finally got mad enough and told him to go for it.  I guess he did some planning or something, and I remember the night he supposedly went to meet up with this woman at a local hotel I cried myself to sleep.  But, he was home pretty soon. And, supposedly she wasn't able to meet him there because of her husband. Yep.  She was married too!

  Well, you have to understand that after all that, and him finally actually getting to "hook up" with her one night (yes, I cried) it turns out, that apparently he had already been banging her all along.


    I remember that I went by his work once and watched from behind an adjacent building.  I even had Steve with me, but he was just a couple of years old.   What I saw at first sort of shocked me.  His truck was parked in a spot, facing one direction, and her car was parked right next to his truck, facing the other direction..  That way they could be "side by side" but sitting in their own vehicle.  Maybe trying to hide their little relationship from the other people there. I don't know.

  Sometime later, maybe the next day, I'm not sure, he called me to bring him lunch out at the interstate rest stop where his crew was working.   I got him some food and headed over there (like a good little wife).  When he began to eat, I confronted him about his little parking arrangement.  I told him not to do it anymore.


  As far as I remember that was about it. He said he wouldn't do that anymore, but hey, he never gave a crap about what I wanted or thought or felt.  So, I'm sure he kept doing it.  Each time he did something stupid like this, either his sexual escapades or being mean and cruel to me, or later, being an invisible father, it chipped away at my self confidence and happiness and feelings.  I covered up a lot of stuff, because that's how I am, but it was there alright.  My soul was slowly dying.

  I'm rebuilding it now.  Being away from him for almost eight months now has been pure heaven.